My life just got cheaper!

No really! my life’s getting cheaper, but my cost of living is perhaps getting dearer.

It all started the day before yesterday while coming to office. At a traffic signal, there was a truck laden with cement bags. As the truck came to a halt before us a flurry of white dust flew and settled on my windshield. It had reached 43.5 degree celsius yesterday and the very scene of dust on this dry sultry morning made me very irritable. The saving grace was however the AC in full blast inside the car and the rolled windows that separated us from the heat and the dust. I complained how the authorities could allow these trucks to ply in the office-going hours.

As the dust cleared, I was horrified at what I saw. About four daily-wagers (labourers) were sleeping on these bags of cement. With ropes tied from their waists to the railings of the truck, so that they don’t fall, they were in deep slumber. And I was complaining of the heat and dust. Life’s cruel and cheap, I thought.

But back to my cheap life. I realised this the other day when my office caught fire. There were 100-plus employees sitting in the office when the incident took place in the evening. The guard equipped with a whistle warned the employees and tried to get out as much people as possible out of the building.

The office boys frantically carried water from the water-coolers at the ground floor in water-bottles to douse the fire in the second floor. There was no water in the washrooms since afternoon and even if there were, the office didn’t have a bucket. Above that, the two-floor and a basement building didn’t have a single fire-extinguisher or a fire escape…so much for fire safety measures.

Luckily for us, one of my team-member who had gone outside to make a call, ran to our room to warn us that there was a fire in the house…we ran outside to safety.

Although the fire was doused before it could do any large-scale damage, the incident brought to fore several questions on the safety measures in the office. There is a tradition in our office to make tea in-house once in the morning and once after lunch! Wending machines? We have heard of them but the management fears that it will cost them more as employees would drink limitless tea or coffee!

Anyways, the fire started in the pantry when someone accidentally threw a burning match-stick to a pile of paper and milk cartons stacked besides the burner. It caught fire and spread across and even burned the rubber pipe connecting the burner with the cylinder…can it get any dangerous than this?

The pantry boys in the fear of losing their jobs, put their lives on the line to douse the fire. When the management came to know about the incident, they went into a meeting and came out with the ‘perfect’ solution. From that day forth, no match-stick would be used and instead a lighter would take its place. Three days since the incident, match-boxes are being used and the lighter is yet to come. “Fire-extinguishers? We’ll see later!!”

The attitude is quite evident. India with its population of approximately 1.17 billion people this is perhaps not my story alone. If I go there are 10 others to take my place – we all think the same. I have the credit card bills to pay, I have my rent to pay, I have my EMIs or else I stand to lose my car to the bank, my children’s education, etc. etc. So would I throw away my job because my office is not safe enough to work in…so what if I have to work in hazardous conditions? I can’t afford to question the management!

So long my life will get cheaper by the day and I will work even harder to keep my job intact!

Now my funda of life is: Just because you sit in the corner cubicle and say nothing, it doesn’t mean you are fool. It means you are a dormant volcano waiting for the right moment.

The 14th Lavang-latika — justice that wasn’t!

During a recent family gathering my youngest aunt (my dad’s youngest sister) while recollecting her younger days narrated a hilarious situation she had once had.

My dad had 11 siblings and my grandfather was married twice. So it was 14 members in the family. Like every Indian family the mithai (Indian sweet) is an essential constituent of the dessert. With limited resources and a big family, my grandfather used to bring home 14 sweets – one for each. So no question of  ‘can I have another one?’

Once grandfather had brought home the very popular and delicious lavang-latika, a variety of flour-based sweet with a lavang (clove) on top. He came and deposited them with my elder grandmom to be distributed after dinner.

As was the norm in those days, the lady of the house ate last. But today was different. She was less by one mithai, which meant that she was the one who had to go without dessert. Now the question was–who ate the extra one? All eyes were on my dad, who was known for committing such pranks.

‘Maybe the halwaiwala had given 13 pieces,’ my grandfather thought aloud. ‘That can’t be, I counted before I kept them in the jar,’ my grand mom said with great confidence.

With 14 people to feed, sweets in the house were indeed a luxury and to miss such an opportunity was really sad. No one knew when the occasion would come when grandfather would bring sweets again. Angry and sad, my grand mom collected her herd and asked them in a stern voice to confess the crime. No one came forward. At length, my grand mom cursed the culprit with an upset stomach if he or she didn’t come forward and confess. No one came.

The next day one aunt could not go to school…she had a terrible stomachache and an upset stomach. Lo…she was the one! All her brothers and sisters booed her and my youngest aunt, taking advantage of the situation, influenced my grand mom to relieve her of her duties and increase my guilty aunt’s share of household chores. She succeeded and the sentence handed out was that my youngest aunt had nothing to do for a month and my guilty aunt would take the share of her work too.

My convicted aunt pleaded not guilty, but with all evidence going against her, she had to accept the punishment for a month.

As they grew up, the incident was totally forgotten. After more than three decades, in this family gathering did my youngest aunt confess that it was she who ate the 14th sweet. Although all including my then convicted aunt had a good laugh at it, I don’t think my youngest aunt would have lived to see the day if my other aunt had come to know about her crime then.

Now my funda of life is:

• When you are in deep shit, keep your mouth shut
• Take advantage of a situation to dump your work on someone else
• Evidence sometimes does go against the innocent too